I am single. I haven't fallen in love with my job.

They say - "If you love your job, you never will work a day in your life". That's so true. How about people who don't love their job but still have to do it? It's a hardship. I do not belong to either of the parties though. I do not love my job but I do not hate it either.

Today, I had a realization that all the things that I thought interested me, were just passing phases. They all started with some trigger. The truth that I don't remember any of those triggers is sufficient enough to prove that I don't consider them as my lost destinies. I followed them wholeheartedly by putting good amount of efforts which gave me a false feeling that I liked doing them. The catch here is that I had to make efforts to keep myself interested.

If I try to recall, I had once thought of jumping into the finance business. Luckily I lost interest and I didn't do it; saved from the economic crisis. But the thing that disturbs me is that I don't remember what made me read all those finance books and magazines and I also don't know when and why exactly did I lose interest in the subject. May be a period of extra work in office would have kept me away from finance and eventually I forgot my plans.

Another of my tryst was with designing and stuff. I have been associated with this for a long time now but it has always been in patches due to extra pressures from other spheres of life. This may give an impression that this must be what I like to do because it has been there since long and just some temporary commitments broke the continuity. The fact is that I never got a feeling that I can pursue this professionally or even as a life-long hobby because it was never the topmost in my priority list. For its survival for the longest tenure, I believe that there might be a day when I would take it for always and for that day, I always try to keep in touch with some creative activities here and there. This is the reason that I volunteered for few designing teams at my office.

I have been associated with an NGO too for some time now. And it pleased me to work for the social cause. But due to some reasons, I have not been doing anything on this front for a while now. Today, when I was on my way for the social activity, I didn't have the same enthusiasm and motivation as always. Was this because of the month-long gap or just that I don't like doing it? I hope it's not the latter. This question made me write this journal here. I know that a diary is a more suitable place for this text but I wrote it down here to know if others also have similar experiences and if yes, how do they handle it?